lovemankind (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lovemankind) wrote2021-07-12 09:34 am
lovemankind) wrote2021-07-12 09:34 am
Entry tags:
A return to form (and academic anxieties)
Hello, Dreamwidth! I've been thinking about coming back lately and now that I've sent Max my journal name and publicly endorsed old-school journalposting, I really should, you know, post something.
I think I've been put off a little because I felt like I had to make some kind of catch-up post, like "here's everything that's happened in the year-and-a-half since I last posted", but if that's only making me hesitant to come back, why should I bother? Everyone who might read this knows what I've been up to, and if the prospect of a catch-up post isn't something that interests me, it has no utility. So I'm going to just jump in and talk about the thing currently giving me the anxious jitters.
I just sent off an e-mail to my old university requesting help with re-enrollment. I essentially said, "hey, I was dropped last year because I failed a class while on acprob, I started the appeal process for that decision but it was overwhelming and confusing so I let it fall by the wayside, and now I'm confused about where to go next. Help?" Over the past few years I have dealt a fair bit with bureaucracy, and it has taught me that explicitly telling the person you're talking to that you are confused and don't know what to do is often a very effective strategy if you're floundering. My past strategy of "go it alone because administration won't help you, get confused and overwhelmed, drop it, get so stressed about not doing anything / pressured by Mom that you have to start over, rinse and repeat" has worked exactly zero times so why not try a different tactic?
Mom keeps telling me I can contact "Sarah", her coworker who helped me with re-enrollment the last time I started taking classes again, but I've been hesitant out of the fear that it will get back to Mom that I was straight up dismissed from the university. Which she doesn't know, because of course I didn't tell her. I never tell her these things. I would really like to get Sarah's help! She was great the last time I worked with her! And like, objectively I know that it would be unethical at minimum and probably a major violation of policy for Sarah to tell my mom anything, but I also don't know exactly what the standards are on her campus, you know? They've been coworkers for years, maybe even decades depending on how long Sarah's been there. Or maybe something would just slip out. ... And I don't want her to look at me like I'm stupid. We don't even have a personal relationship but the idea is still weirdly upsetting to me, lol. School is such a miserably anxiety-inducing topic for me at this point that I don't think I'm capable of looking at the situation rationally anymore. I have Sarah as a last-resort backup, but hopefully I won't have to use her.
The important thing is, I sent the e-mail. For real this time, I didn't just lie about doing it to get Mom off my back. So inshallah this will all go well.
I think I've been put off a little because I felt like I had to make some kind of catch-up post, like "here's everything that's happened in the year-and-a-half since I last posted", but if that's only making me hesitant to come back, why should I bother? Everyone who might read this knows what I've been up to, and if the prospect of a catch-up post isn't something that interests me, it has no utility. So I'm going to just jump in and talk about the thing currently giving me the anxious jitters.
I just sent off an e-mail to my old university requesting help with re-enrollment. I essentially said, "hey, I was dropped last year because I failed a class while on acprob, I started the appeal process for that decision but it was overwhelming and confusing so I let it fall by the wayside, and now I'm confused about where to go next. Help?" Over the past few years I have dealt a fair bit with bureaucracy, and it has taught me that explicitly telling the person you're talking to that you are confused and don't know what to do is often a very effective strategy if you're floundering. My past strategy of "go it alone because administration won't help you, get confused and overwhelmed, drop it, get so stressed about not doing anything / pressured by Mom that you have to start over, rinse and repeat" has worked exactly zero times so why not try a different tactic?
Mom keeps telling me I can contact "Sarah", her coworker who helped me with re-enrollment the last time I started taking classes again, but I've been hesitant out of the fear that it will get back to Mom that I was straight up dismissed from the university. Which she doesn't know, because of course I didn't tell her. I never tell her these things. I would really like to get Sarah's help! She was great the last time I worked with her! And like, objectively I know that it would be unethical at minimum and probably a major violation of policy for Sarah to tell my mom anything, but I also don't know exactly what the standards are on her campus, you know? They've been coworkers for years, maybe even decades depending on how long Sarah's been there. Or maybe something would just slip out. ... And I don't want her to look at me like I'm stupid. We don't even have a personal relationship but the idea is still weirdly upsetting to me, lol. School is such a miserably anxiety-inducing topic for me at this point that I don't think I'm capable of looking at the situation rationally anymore. I have Sarah as a last-resort backup, but hopefully I won't have to use her.
The important thing is, I sent the e-mail. For real this time, I didn't just lie about doing it to get Mom off my back. So inshallah this will all go well.